Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
