New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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