We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
