Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
