dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
