I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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