I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
