I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
