So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
