drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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