This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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