I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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