mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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