im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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