Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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