Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
