I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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