She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
