Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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