I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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