Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
