she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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