if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
