so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
