I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
