i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize