Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
