On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just invented taco cereal.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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