it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
