I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
