I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
