I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She needs sedatives and a leash
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
