So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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