I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
