I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
