My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
