I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So. Much. Porn.
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