OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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