i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
