So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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