put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
