How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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