Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
