just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
are you so shy because you have an std?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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