i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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