i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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