My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And then he peed in my hair
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