I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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