listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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