Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my shit smells like andre
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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