do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
