Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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