Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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