Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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