I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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