do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
