I'm really into asian looking animals
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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