My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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