I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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