We won't sleep together?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
