Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
