i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
