phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
