Where did you get a picture of my penis
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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