You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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