A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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