you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
