Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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