If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
