My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
