just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
