those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
