Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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