Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
