i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
