Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
