I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
