Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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