Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
