Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
