***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
