I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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