I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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