All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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