Buhtt sex?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They took my balls.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
