So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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