On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
