Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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