Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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