I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize