1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
