I'm going to jail i love you
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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