I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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