why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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